Tuesday, July 29, 2003

Night whispers of a girl to all unknown voices…(for myself)
These days have made me a bit frustrated but that doesn't bother me, as I'm somehow getting used to this kind of feelings that I’m having some bitter experiences but they all are ones to be great lessons for me to know people well...now, although I feel really lonely & feel the great distance between others' world & mine I assume there is no way except becoming like others....ok, ok It's again changing to nagging notes of an Iranian girl!
Oh you know, the fact is that, all these indecisive battles & multi target ways seem never to come to an end in my or anybody else’s life, & I should always be drowning in my wrong choices & mistakes....Aerial. yeah Arterials, they are everywhere, they're blind what are watching what you do, they're thief but hear what you say & although they are dumb are ready to shout out & through your every single mistake to your face...I'm tired of them, I'm tired of all these human beings who are worn as Aerials & never put off their masks to be themselves; No, we'll never find ourselves as what we are...I'm completely pessimistic of the day that we all through our mask away & try a true life, I'm not pessimistic about a world of kindness & happiness without any kind of real or unreal lie! I was hopeful before but I'm not anymore; I believe that was just a kind of childish dream.... and what a sweat dream it was.
I don't know why I'm here again working as a chatter box, complaining about things that will never be right...there's something wrong with me these days, I'm just searching for a small reason to start this way of nagging, I'm just searching for someone not to see me, but also not to be blind...I'm searching for someone who can see & hear me & talk to me, but doesn’t use eyes just to see humble problems of this complicated world...

I can't stand this way anymore, I'm tired of everything & everyone...friends who all fake, parents who love their reasons for loving us, more than us ourselves!, people who all have put on masks...tired of time that is so much cruel, this summer that is the most awful summer I've ever had, although it was excepted to be the best one...tired of these holidays that are more bored than fucking hours I spent in mathematic classes...& also tired of this cyber world that is full of all those unpleasant senses & all those tricks & gimmicks that are even much worse than the real world. In the end; you feel irresolute where to run away …
.......stop!! Unknown Voices call me: stop girl. It's just the way it has to be & be sure that they're all temporary, there is something wrong with you not things around you...get over your rebellious thought!...try to...
They go on & on with nice advises & hopeful poems about the beauty of life! But…I just wish I could trust & obey the unknown voices!

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